Pirates VS Pie Rates: Tussle Association

One: Torn between idealism and banditry, pirates have been around ever since the first human created a raft, and then two other dudes decided to steal said raft. Today however they are fighting for survival!
The other: Used in corporate meetings and children essays alike, this versatile momma can be used to communicate your feelings for anything. From humorous to serious, everything can be explained via the "Pie"

Our contestants will be judged by their
-adaptability
- versatility
- history
- availability

So! Without further ado, lets get crackin!

Thieves, Idealists or parrot owning, peg leg wearing, hook handed, eye patching wielding rum drinkers?

In truth, pirates are a fascinating subject as they have been a bit of everything over the course of the years. Despite popular opinion pirates are closer to blackmailing entrepreneurs than swashbuckling raiders. Most pirates would simply board a ship, catch the crew off guard, hold them on gunpoint (or sword point, or whatever), take whatever is valuable and can be sold with ease and then go on their own way.

The more you read of their shenanigans the more you will realize two things: a) most of them died unceremoniously in the hands of the law and b) most of them were not exactly your bloodthirsty raider types.

But how will they fare in this swashbuckling duel?

Adaptability

10/10: They have stood the test of time and have overcome every and all obstacles in their way. From Scythian pirates of the ancient days to modern day Somalian pirates, as long as there are ships, there will be pirates

Versatility

7/10: 60% of the earth is covered in GLORIOUS OCEAN, which means that Pirates can be found in 60% of the world. As such, they have a rating of 7/10 as the remaining 3 points are reserved for mountains and fields.

History

9/10: Many of you may ask yourselves: you clearly said they have a rich history, so why not 10/10? To that I will only say this: Because there were no pirates in Dinosaur times, and Dinosaur times are history too #deep

Availability

3/10: Unfortunately being, using, finding or even encountering a pirate is something that can only happen in very few places, most (if not all) of which require some means of naval transportation. As such, you will not find them available everywhere, despite many people posing as them during various festivities.
Important Note: If you spot kids dressed up as pirates make sure you do not treat them like real pirates. It is guaranteed to lead into legal adventures rather than the gold-grabbing adventures one might yearn

Many of you may think we are -really- stretching the theme, and you are correct. Many of you may wonder if this is even funny anymore! It probably is not, but right now I have spent a good one hour and a half looking for pictures and figuring shit our, so bear with me. This will be over soon.

Used as a means to show percentages when comparing numerous objects or statistics, pie charts are often used for a plethora of things: from sale rates, polls, dumb blog posts, memes you name it! But in this duel of duels, do pie rates have more than phonetic similarities to their enemy?

Adaptability

10/10: Nothing is more adaptable than a pie rate. Use it in a meeting with your business CEO, in your house wearing pajamas, use it in front of your dog, or -with- your dog! The possibilities, are indeed endless

Versatility

10/10: Many of you may have understood by now that Adaptability and Versatility are more or less the same. There are minor differences, and we can demonstrate them by...you guessed it: A pie chart

History

1/10: Unfortunately pie rates have no glorious history spanning back in the ages. They only exist in our hearts from now to forever

Availability

7/10: Making a pie (not the edible one) may be easy to do, but it requires at the very least -some- knowledge as to how and where to make one. In the very end, a baby cannot make a pie.
p.s: Though it -does- stand to merit that a baby -can- be a pirate. #foodforthought