The Board Game
Once Upon A Time is a card based board game in which the players are co-operatingly competing. How they co operate? by taking part in creating a fairy tale from scratch. How they compete? Well simply put, each player wants to steer the fairytale into their OWN ending in a way that makes sense.
To do so, they will have to introduce important unchangeable aspects to the story via the use of cards that can represent either a character, item, place, feeling or situation.
The players will then take turns in continuing the story either because the previous narrator started to mumble or go around in circles, said something that was stupid even for the premise of the fairy tale. A less conventional way is to interrupt a player, by using either special interrupt cards or by having a card in your hand that is either another word for, or the exact same thing he or she just said.
Sharpen your imaginations and get ready for some freaky stories because this game is gonna take you places.
The Drunken Masters Return
"Evlogison"
It was during Easter when the idea was first mentioned. Playing the game normally was fun, but it could be way fun if it was...harder. So we decided on themed matches. We would all agree on a subject and the story was going to have to fit said project. It was both hilarious and perfect since as the time went by, having to obey the rules of a Hollywood Western when you have to play down fairy gets...tricky. So naturally the story ended up with Native American Fairies that fired fireballs out of their attack helicopter tomahawks. As one sees in America on a day to day basis.
Night came, Easter feast was devoured, alcohol was plenty and our group was here once again. We all agreed on making themed stories. So as you might imagine after a few drinks our stories started to get weirder and weirder. Soap Operas, Chick Flick, Road Trip films, 80's action movies etc. Then the idea was placed in our head.
Adult films. We laughed at the idea. Then we played the idea.
Board Games Gone Sexual
For the sake of protecting personal information and the thing, we will change the names of specific people. One of our friends who will be named Elijah brought a friend who will be named Jake.
We had our drinks, we had our food, so we decided to go ahead and start the game with Jake. Keep in mind folks, the theme is "Adult Film", so lets go.
"Ok so, once upon a time" said Jake, "there was this little kid"
I have never witnessed an entire group of 5 people look at each other's eyes in such a short span of seconds.
"Ha ha ha Jake I swear to Jesus..."
That wanted to watch kinky videos while his parents were away riiight?
said Bill hoping things would not get weird in the first 5 seconds of the game
No no, bear with me, and the kid was living with two people
Who were at the bedroom getting it on....riiight?
said Maria, nervous sweat now physically appearing in all our foreheads
Not willing to find out what happens next, considering we were pretty sure the F.B.I was waiting to break into the room any moment now, I placed the card with a child to interrupt him.
I immediately steered the story into the TV screen where there was a castle with a princess about to get it on, and I passed the "mic" along to Bill, mentally hi-fiving each other since it was HIS house and the FBi would make a mess of the door if this went on a second more.
Trying to recover from how close we were taking an innocent kid friendly board game into the child molestation scene, we continued on with the story.
Bill put on the hardcore acts, Maria put a story into it, because our adult fairy tale people is not just porn, it is "adult entertainment" ok? We have class.
Elijah and his girl who will be called Stevie Nicks III alternated between taking the story further of our young lusty princess or adding a few more buff hung characters into the mix. Then came Jake, who introduced an orc. Which started to corner the princess. And the princess was not really into it.
"GOD DAMMIT JAKE! AGAIN?" was what we all wanted to scream but instead we all just started to get really, really nervous. We know that there must be a sort of kink or fetish regarding unconsentual acts of...said activity, but the way Jake was absent mindedly narrating it, really did not give us the idea it was a kink of the Princess.
Was Jake just not sure what to do and going for whatever came into his mind? Was he trying to freak us out? Was he a psychopath? Those were the questions we wanted Oprah to answer, however as he went on the narration getting the princess into a dark corner by the stairs and the Orc getting ready to get frisky, agitated glances started to be exchanged.
Once more me and Bill had the same telepathic conversation:
"Bro"
"Bro...."
"Did you hear choppers? I think I heard choppers"
"Probably the F.B.I again. I think I heard a S.W.A.T van open up"
"Bro?"
"Dude..."
"Save us dude..."
Thankfully he specified that the scene was in the tower of the castle, and as luck (or maybe -destiny-) would have it I had the tower card on me, so I promptly interrupted god damn -Jake- right when things seemed to go down the alley we all, dear viewers, saw.
The Horror Ends
At this point we all -DREADED- the idea of fuckin Jake going again, so we all had the fastest mental agreement in human history. We all counted the people that were going to go after me, and we all knew what needed to happen.
End. The. Game. Or at least have interupts ready. Thankfully Maria just nodded, so we knew that shit hits the fan she had us covered.
Alas. It was not meant to be. At this point it was starting to be very evident that Jake was just messing with us, because the first thing he did in his turn, was introduce a horse and had the Princess (who at this point was as confused and concerned about this as we), go...meet him. He said, before he was unceremoniously interupted by....
Maria looked at me in panic. She had an interuption but it was not of the same color as Jake. Guess who had?
At this point having resigned any interest in writting a story but instead fully commited into stopping Jake and his bullshit, I threw down my interupt, promptly said that the Princess had and I quote "a change of heart when she got lusty with lust when she saw a guard over at the...walls or whatever, Bill you are next"
The game would end before fuckin Jake had another chance. The winner was not important, as it was decided that we -all- won by not having Jake pull any more weird shit.
